Blending in

Inanimate objects never live, yet at the same time live forever – Brett Shandler


I have a fake job for a few weeks or a “WORK PLACEMENT”  as they like to call it in the biz. I’ve come to realise that work placement is the name they give to work experience when they feel the person undertaking it, is on the mature side. A revelation that resulted in a bottle of wine being drunk and some tears being shed and while I’m not entirely sure the wine wouldn’t have been drunk anyway the tears, the tears are on them.

“I’m encouraging my co-workers not to grow attached or to feed me scraps from the lunch room”

Fake work, I’ve come to discover is a lot like real work except without the pay or dignity. I’ve done a few of these over the years so I know the drill. You’re a bit like a stray dog who’s allowed to stay until its real owner turns up. So I’m encouraging my co-workers not to grow attached or to feed me scraps from the lunch room. I know how damn lovable I can be plus once you feed me there’ll be no getting rid of me, just ask any of the sample givers in Supervalu.

So far I’ve completed three weeks of my designated six and I believe I’m making quite the impression. The boss has taken to regularly not noticing I exist in any shape or form. He appears quite startled anytime he accidentally meets me in the break room. and says things like ‘Oh I didn’t know you were in’ or  ‘I didn’t like that picture you put up’. I of course play along as though I know exactly what picture he’s talking about or even where the hell I put it up. The other day he asked my co-worker if I’d been in that day which was a little disconcerting as I was sitting three feet away on the showroom floor at the time. It also offended me that he hadn’t noticed the four Instagram followers I had gained that day, granted I had lost one by close of business. But three out of four ain’t bad especially when you’re doing a rather good impression of an inanimate object.





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