Could the real Slim Shady Please Stand Up

We’re no longer Fas the woman behind the desk informs me before launching into a well-rehearsed speech I had heard several times before. I’d always found something very unsettling about the fas take over. I mean the sign above the door reads fas, all the machines have fas on them, even the print outs have fas at the top yet it’s seems very important to them that you know they’re no longer Fas. It all has a very soap opera feel to it, like they’ve killed off the evil villain only for the same actor to pop up a week later playing his twin brother Eduardo. Yes this is the building formerly known as fas and I am a person formerly known as employed. What I think they could really do with is a re-launch party. I mean that’s what my hairdresser does when taken over by new management. A Few balloons, some sausage rolls. Granted the guest list would be quite long but that’s one hell of a rock the boat we could play. I feel like suggesting this to the woman sitting opposite me but she’s only half way through the why we’re not Fas speech and I’d hate for her to have to start all over again. Yes a little social welfare party would cheer this place right up. They could call it ‘starting over’ and give themselves an upbeat and ironic name like ‘Jobville’ or ‘Jobs’r’us’. With a matching slogan like Don’t be blue, we might possibly have a job for you. By this stage the woman has moved onto reading off a form which she has placed on the desk between us, I guess so I can feel included in this experience. I have an overwhelming urge to read along with her or to yell out random words just to see what she’d do. I decide against after all I really want to get on that V.I.P. guest list. ‘Any questions?’ she asks ‘No’ I respond. No sense in getting her all excited about the re-launch until I calculate the cost of 5 balloons and 5062 vol-au-vents. As I leave, pondering if party planner is in their jobs database or if P Diddy has hired anyone yet for his Hampton soiree, I turn and bid adieu to the building formerly known as Fas after all the next time I come I could be meeting its mysterious triplet Pierre.

(This Post Originally appeared on February 2014 at )


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